9.27.9 "The Hero and The Treasure"

"The Hero and The Treasure"

Isaiah 51:1-53:12
Ephesians 5:1-33
Psalm 69:15-36
Proverbs 24:6-7

"As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." - Ephesians 5:31-33

Marriage - a great mystery, and yet it is the illustration of Christ and the church.

Marriage is important to God. Because it's important to God, it's many times in the center of Satan's crosshairs. The attack on marriage is an attack on God. In our marriages we are the illustration of Christ and the Church.

In the verses above, the husband is commanded to love the wife, and the wife is commanded to respect her husband. Dr. Emerson Eggerich has written a great book entitled "Love and Respect". In this book he addresses the issue of how many times communication troubles and conflict are escalated because of miscommunication in this area. Wives are not communicating in a way that their husbands feel respected, and husbands are not communicating in a way that their wives feel loved.

I think there is a "disconnect" even from those words "love and respect" because of the different "wiring" in a man and a woman. I like to explain it in the terms of "The Hero and The Treasure".

God has wired man to be "The Hero", and he has wired the woman to be "The Treasure". Because of these differences, The Hero and The Treasure actually begin to speak in different languages. The Hero thinks and hears in "hero" terms, and The Treasure does the same in "treasure" terms.

Like any thing valuable, The Treasure needs to be protected. She needs to feel safe. She needs to feel cared for. Each Treasure is unique, so the recipe for this security may very slightly, but security is vital nonetheless. The treasure needs to feel valued.

The Hero is wired quite different than The Treasure. He is wired for accomplishment. Often his identity is closely connected to his work. He loves to conquer an enemy. There is no greater fear than failure.

Enter the challenge of communication: "You forgot to take out the garbage." A statement. No big deal, right? Well, it all depends on the health of The Hero and The Treasure.

Worst case scenario:

"You forgot to take out the garbage" in the Treasure's mind could mean, "I can't believe he doesn't love me enough to follow through on what I asked. He never listens to me. I have all of this stuff to do and he doesn't even care. He never considers my needs."

In the Hero's mind he hears, "You are such a failure. You are such a disappointment. I had hoped for a great husband, but I ended up with you." So he decides, "I think I'll just keep watching this program. It helps me 'escape'."

Then the conflict escalates.

While that may seem ridiculous that a conflict could arise from something so trite, over time it's these very circumstances that cause major division in the home. The ability of The Hero and The Treasure to communicate healthily will determine how every conflict is resolved and worked through.

"And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Eph. 5:21) This word "submit" is such an unpopular word in our culture. Submit has become a term for "door mat". That is not the heart of God at all. The point is that the man must consider the need of The Treasure. The woman must consider the need of The Hero.

"For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. he is the Savior of his body, the Church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything." (Eph 5:22-24)

Wives, rest in the leadership of your husband. Let him be your hero. Speak his language. Build him up. Equip him to treasure you. It's hard for him to do if he feels put down.

"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word... In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. for a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church." (Eph. 5:25-26,28-29)

Husbands, do you hear what that's saying? TREASURE your wives. Protect her. Let her know how valuable she is to you. "I do love her. I bring a paycheck home. I work hard." That's "hero" talk, not treasure talk. If a Hero's hobby is a car, he will spend time with it. Care for it. He'll protect it from the elements. He'll get whatever is needed for it. A Hero MUST that much more spend time protecting and valuing the Treasure.

Jesus was the ultimate example. He laid down his life. This is what we must do for one another!


Through the Power of the Spirit,
Live the DREAM!

P Greg


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